Ah, Nothingspace.

My home away from home. I missed you. Gonna do some anony-blogging tonight! Can't say this anywhere else, so I'll say it here.

So, it's over. I finally fucked it up just enough. And boy, is that a lesson in rhythm management. I don't know how to feel. On the one hand, I want to flip the fuck out. On the other hand, I want to be calm. On a third hand, I want to abandon every last one of my morals and just go fuck anything that moves. I'll take up drinking too. No reason not to now. But see, I *have* to abandon my morals now. No two ways about it - my morals are worth shit. I can't be the man that I want to be, ever, I've been forced away. I can't be in love just once, I have to force myself back into the dating scene, I have to force myself to tolerate some stupid skank. I don't think I can. And she knows it's right. Uh-huh. Fuck what I think, what I think isn't important. It's all about everyone else. Just like always. Some things never change. Other things always change.

But she's happy. So whatever. I can't say what I really feel. For her sake, I'll turn in on myself, and we'll see what happens there. I hope to God it doesn't kill me. I don't want to let her down, but I can only take so much, y'know? Like, at this point, I'm teetering between living a sub-par life and death. Not via depression, but just because I can't live the life that I want to live. It's become impossible. But I don't want to let everyone down. I almost feel like I have to stay alive for something. I don't know. If she gave up, maybe it's time for me to give up too. I don't think I can live in a world where I can't live my life. Maybe my ideals are indeed more important than my happiness. Whatever, here I am again. Mid-20s, and nothing to offer. Yep, I'm a catch. Fuck you, world. Fuck you again.

I don't even want kids. I don't want this shit to continue. The line has to stop with me.

Fuck me, I'm all out of enemies.